Everything for Everyone

Today was a rough day. Lately, I seem to be feeling like Im suffocating under the weight of everything. Being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter....everything, I feel, but me, Rachael. I never felt like my name suited me, maybe because I knew I would probably never go by my actual name, unless at the dr's office or some official thing. Anyway, at almost 30 years old, what have I accomplished? 4 kids and a husband. And while I love them dearly, they are my world, I cant help but feel like Im being smothered. There are a very select few, one?, that I feel like actually hear me, hear my heart crying out. I dont want to be some whiney, self centered with, but I also am feeling an intense pressure to find me. I want to maintain the true character of who I am, and I dont feel that will really be a problem, its something inside me, rooted firmly and deeply. This year, for the first time since I can remember, my NYE resolution was to find me, better me, forgive me, and love me for me as me. All other years I vowed to be a bettter mom and wife and all the things I am each and every day. Every year, I have gotten better, I am a different person each year, a better person. This year, I have to find me. But how on earth, in Heaven, or in Hell, do I do that???When I am a stay at home mom, with 3 of my 4 children with me most of the time, my husband needing me in this tough time in his life, my sister close to delivering her first child, my mom with health problems, my friends needing .....well, a friend, like I do, with so many responsibilities, people who need me, and people whom I need, how is there time for me?
Dont get me wrong here, I appreciate, need, and love every person near and dear to me that is in my life. I know I need them, and I know they need me. I just wonder.....you hear about womens lib everywhere, right? Yet I would love to know how many women are still filling the traditional roles, plus the non traditional role of a woman outside the home, and feeling the same way I do? How many women have their spouse, their family, or friends to say "Hi honey, how are YOU? Is there something we can do for YOU, to make YOUR day, week, month, life easier?" I dont think theres nearly enough. I think thats why so many people are drawn to me, my home, because my first response when they walk in my door is "HII!!! How are you??" And I really listen to their answer, because I really want to know how they are, if theres aything I can do to help them, let them know theyre loved, let them know they have a safe place to come and heal. So again I ask, who does this for me? I am at a point where I feel like if I dont get some much needed "me" time, I really might spontaneously combust! I know, I know, every mom and wife feels that way, but when people mouth off this useless information, I do begin to wonder, has anyone thought to ask if our divorce rate would lower if we moms and wives, whatever you are, had that time? Instead of looking at a mom, a wife, a working woman, and thinking how strong she is, what a great job she does, how shes just Superwoman, she can do it all!!! Maybe instead we should look at them and think, and beyond that, we should SAY, "how are you superwoman? Is there something I can do to help make your day easier?" This is especially true for husbands and children: ask her what she needs, and give it to her. Remember, if mammy aint happy, aint nobody around her happy, either!!!