A couple days ago, a friend and I got into a deep discussion about body image, and how deeply we are affected by certain things, like having children, surgeries, etc, that affect how our bodies look. This conversation, though maybe it was more of me lecturing and her listening than an actual conversation, really got to me, has been on my mind constantly. And in the ensuing days since, I have dealt with 3 or 4 women who are facing issues with their bodies for the reasons previously mentioned. So what can I say about this that hasnt already been said? Probably not much, if anything, but Im going to give my thoughts anyway.
What dominates the media, most magazines, the streets we walk on daily, and our own minds, mens minds included? Our looks. Yes, it is self serving, or self demeaning, depending on how you see yourself, or just plain self involved, but it is what it is, right? I think about how I look, whether I want to or not. We all do, its what we have evolved into, its just what we do. I have to look in the mirror when I brush my teeth. I look in the mirror when I brush my hair. Men look in the mirror when they shave. Children look to see themselves and make silly faces at themselves. The point is, whether we like it or not, whether we like ourselves, our bodies, whatever, or not, we still think about it often.
Lately, the media has finally taken to saying that thin does NOT equal beautiful....duh! How long did we have to wait for that to come racing back around? Since...oh....Marilyn Monroe? I think its been just about that long. Which sucks! For all these years, women who didnt fit what so called professionals called the ideal body type, weight, height, and color suffered, and the few who stepped 9out against these ideas were criticized, critiqued to within an inch of their lives. Im a lush, full figured, sexy as hell woman, but I dont criticize skinny women for being skinny, so why are we criticized for being big, full, sexy?
Everyone who has ever had a child knows that your body changes, rich, famous, poor, fat, ugly, whatever, whoever you are, having kids wrecks our body! I have stretch marks up and down my stomach, and for years, they drove me crazy. Until learned the beauty in them. Each stretch mark, though I cant remember when they all happened, happened for a reason. I can even tell you the reason(s)! Their names are S, S, H, and B. Yup, thats it. That was my secret to accepting every one of those dark purple, nasty, deep things that I earned through all of the 36 months total that I was pregnant with each precious gem that God gave me.
Enough with the rambling,which, coincidentally, Im becoming okay with, too, because its part of me....Anyway, I want to tell eahc and every one of these people that are dear to me to STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF!!!! When I look at you, do you think I see your flaws? Do I sit with you and worry that while we're talking, you might notice my uneven boobs? No! When I think of you, I think of your smile when you look so tenderly at your husband and children. When we talk, I notice that your laughter lights up your face, and your eyes sparkle. When you are perfectly calm, I notice an inner beauty, a light shining through, that tells me that you have weathered many battles to find an inner calm, a fortitude, that has carried you through. I see YOU, in all your beautiful imperfections, I see YOU, the most amazing woman I know, I see YOU, a woman who knows her worth, but is scared to believe in herself and know that she is perfect as she is. Who can tell you how to feel about you? Why would you let them? And if we're such great friends, well, youre mine, but if Im yours, why cant you see what I see when I look at you? Why does a strangers opinion, or even your own, when it is so obviously skewed that you cant see just how perfectly perfect you are, matter more than the opinion of someone who sees you regularly, is your cheerleader, is your best friend, is the one who has always and will always believe in you? Im not saying I dont understand. Im saying dont focus on the things you consider bad, focus on the words you know to be true and sincere, the words and thoughts from the heart of someone who has battled her own demons for many years, and is finally finding success!
Love always,
Your biggest fan, your best friend, ME
Monday, February 25, 2013
Richie Rich?
Recently, a very wonderful and fun friend of mine decided we could have mutual topics to work on until I got over my writers block. The first topic we agreed upon is: What would I do with a million dollars?
This is, of course, something we all say, "If only I had a million dollars, I'd...." So, here are my thoughts on what I would do with a million bucks.
The very first thing, of absolute utmost importance, would be regaining primary custody of my four children. Well, of three of my four children. I know they say money can't buy everything, and there is much truth to that. But I know that money can get you pretty close to happiness at cetain intervals. And my happiness is dependent upon knowing that my children are safe,m sound, and with me, their rightful place. I wish I could estimate how much it would take to accomplish this, but as of thus far, I really have no idea, as we have already spent beaucoups and have still not succeeded in getting the idiot judges, DHS, and various other so called "justice system agencies" to open their lazy eyes, and work towards protecting the children that are in grave danger all over this state, this continent. Saying I could put a price on it, while in the back of my mind knowing that I would spend every cent and then some of that million dollars if it ensured my babies safety, lets say I would put, oh, $200k on this.
With another $200k, I would buy a nice, safe, beautiful, but modest, home on 10 acres, make sure it had plenty of privacy, a pond, and privacy fencing. With another $100k, I would make sure my husband and I had decent cars.
Still half a mil remaining. Okay, I'd give each of my siblings at least $25k,and my mom and stepdad $25k, and my stepmom $25k, as well. I think Id also put $25k into a trust for each of my children.
$225k remaining,huh? Okay, I would definitely donate to some type of women and childrens shelter, though Im not sure how much, because the need is so great, and I would have such a hard time turning anyone down. Let's say I would appropriate $100k to this cause.
The remaining amount, around $100k , would be placed into an account for my husband and I to use to continue helping those who come to our door in need, we would just be able to use it to help on a grander scale. Although, as we know, money doesnt buy love or happiness! =)
This is, of course, something we all say, "If only I had a million dollars, I'd...." So, here are my thoughts on what I would do with a million bucks.
The very first thing, of absolute utmost importance, would be regaining primary custody of my four children. Well, of three of my four children. I know they say money can't buy everything, and there is much truth to that. But I know that money can get you pretty close to happiness at cetain intervals. And my happiness is dependent upon knowing that my children are safe,m sound, and with me, their rightful place. I wish I could estimate how much it would take to accomplish this, but as of thus far, I really have no idea, as we have already spent beaucoups and have still not succeeded in getting the idiot judges, DHS, and various other so called "justice system agencies" to open their lazy eyes, and work towards protecting the children that are in grave danger all over this state, this continent. Saying I could put a price on it, while in the back of my mind knowing that I would spend every cent and then some of that million dollars if it ensured my babies safety, lets say I would put, oh, $200k on this.
With another $200k, I would buy a nice, safe, beautiful, but modest, home on 10 acres, make sure it had plenty of privacy, a pond, and privacy fencing. With another $100k, I would make sure my husband and I had decent cars.
Still half a mil remaining. Okay, I'd give each of my siblings at least $25k,and my mom and stepdad $25k, and my stepmom $25k, as well. I think Id also put $25k into a trust for each of my children.
$225k remaining,huh? Okay, I would definitely donate to some type of women and childrens shelter, though Im not sure how much, because the need is so great, and I would have such a hard time turning anyone down. Let's say I would appropriate $100k to this cause.
The remaining amount, around $100k , would be placed into an account for my husband and I to use to continue helping those who come to our door in need, we would just be able to use it to help on a grander scale. Although, as we know, money doesnt buy love or happiness! =)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Everything for Everyone
Today was a rough day. Lately, I seem to be feeling like Im suffocating under the weight of everything. Being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter....everything, I feel, but me, Rachael. I never felt like my name suited me, maybe because I knew I would probably never go by my actual name, unless at the dr's office or some official thing. Anyway, at almost 30 years old, what have I accomplished? 4 kids and a husband. And while I love them dearly, they are my world, I cant help but feel like Im being smothered. There are a very select few, one?, that I feel like actually hear me, hear my heart crying out. I dont want to be some whiney, self centered with, but I also am feeling an intense pressure to find me. I want to maintain the true character of who I am, and I dont feel that will really be a problem, its something inside me, rooted firmly and deeply. This year, for the first time since I can remember, my NYE resolution was to find me, better me, forgive me, and love me for me as me. All other years I vowed to be a bettter mom and wife and all the things I am each and every day. Every year, I have gotten better, I am a different person each year, a better person. This year, I have to find me. But how on earth, in Heaven, or in Hell, do I do that???When I am a stay at home mom, with 3 of my 4 children with me most of the time, my husband needing me in this tough time in his life, my sister close to delivering her first child, my mom with health problems, my friends needing .....well, a friend, like I do, with so many responsibilities, people who need me, and people whom I need, how is there time for me?
Dont get me wrong here, I appreciate, need, and love every person near and dear to me that is in my life. I know I need them, and I know they need me. I just wonder.....you hear about womens lib everywhere, right? Yet I would love to know how many women are still filling the traditional roles, plus the non traditional role of a woman outside the home, and feeling the same way I do? How many women have their spouse, their family, or friends to say "Hi honey, how are YOU? Is there something we can do for YOU, to make YOUR day, week, month, life easier?" I dont think theres nearly enough. I think thats why so many people are drawn to me, my home, because my first response when they walk in my door is "HII!!! How are you??" And I really listen to their answer, because I really want to know how they are, if theres aything I can do to help them, let them know theyre loved, let them know they have a safe place to come and heal. So again I ask, who does this for me? I am at a point where I feel like if I dont get some much needed "me" time, I really might spontaneously combust! I know, I know, every mom and wife feels that way, but when people mouth off this useless information, I do begin to wonder, has anyone thought to ask if our divorce rate would lower if we moms and wives, whatever you are, had that time? Instead of looking at a mom, a wife, a working woman, and thinking how strong she is, what a great job she does, how shes just Superwoman, she can do it all!!! Maybe instead we should look at them and think, and beyond that, we should SAY, "how are you superwoman? Is there something I can do to help make your day easier?" This is especially true for husbands and children: ask her what she needs, and give it to her. Remember, if mammy aint happy, aint nobody around her happy, either!!!
Dont get me wrong here, I appreciate, need, and love every person near and dear to me that is in my life. I know I need them, and I know they need me. I just wonder.....you hear about womens lib everywhere, right? Yet I would love to know how many women are still filling the traditional roles, plus the non traditional role of a woman outside the home, and feeling the same way I do? How many women have their spouse, their family, or friends to say "Hi honey, how are YOU? Is there something we can do for YOU, to make YOUR day, week, month, life easier?" I dont think theres nearly enough. I think thats why so many people are drawn to me, my home, because my first response when they walk in my door is "HII!!! How are you??" And I really listen to their answer, because I really want to know how they are, if theres aything I can do to help them, let them know theyre loved, let them know they have a safe place to come and heal. So again I ask, who does this for me? I am at a point where I feel like if I dont get some much needed "me" time, I really might spontaneously combust! I know, I know, every mom and wife feels that way, but when people mouth off this useless information, I do begin to wonder, has anyone thought to ask if our divorce rate would lower if we moms and wives, whatever you are, had that time? Instead of looking at a mom, a wife, a working woman, and thinking how strong she is, what a great job she does, how shes just Superwoman, she can do it all!!! Maybe instead we should look at them and think, and beyond that, we should SAY, "how are you superwoman? Is there something I can do to help make your day easier?" This is especially true for husbands and children: ask her what she needs, and give it to her. Remember, if mammy aint happy, aint nobody around her happy, either!!!
Monday, February 11, 2013
To Blog or Not to Blog?
Do I start this with an introduction? Since this IS the beginning, why not start at the beginning? Borrowing from my best friend, I'll start my first random thoughts post in my first ever blog with 20 random facts about me. Maybe I'll even get in two blogs in one day! Who knows? Here we go!
1. I was a full blown, real life pk (preacher's kid), for many years, until my father left the ministry.
2. I didnt get my first haircut until I was 12 (it was way down to my butt)
3. I have a corny, cheesy sense of humor, and Im totally okay with it, so go ahead and laugh at me, with me
4. Im a complete bookworm, a geek, whatever, and Im good with that too
5. I have 4, yes 4, count em!!, beautiful girls
6. My husband is 20 years older than me, and lemme tell you, theres something to be said for older men!
7. My middle daughter was attacked by a dog two years ago, it tore off half her face, and it was the worst time of our lives (she is doing great now, though!)
8. The second worst day of my life was when my dad passed away last year (can it really be real??)
9. Im the only person in my immediate family with green eyes
10. Only one of my children has green eyes, the rest are blue, as is the rest of my immediate family
11. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my adult life (hardest job ever)
12. I was an office manger for two and a half years, I really miss working
13. I come across as very confident and outgoing, but underneath, Im scared
14. I secretly am addicted to Teen Mom 2, shhhh!!
15. My faith in God is very strong, and I will try my best to never judge those around me
16. Just because I say I am a Christian doesnt mean Im looking down on you, so please dont look down on me
17. I am a complete country girl, but have the ocean in my blood
18. Ive made a lot of mistakes, ask me how the smallest decisions can have the biggest consequences
19. My family is my everything, and I give my all for them, immediate and extended, friends that are as close as family, too
20. I try to wake up each and every day with a positive, grateful attitude, look at the glass as half full, because it can always be worse, right?
1. I was a full blown, real life pk (preacher's kid), for many years, until my father left the ministry.
2. I didnt get my first haircut until I was 12 (it was way down to my butt)
3. I have a corny, cheesy sense of humor, and Im totally okay with it, so go ahead and laugh at me, with me
4. Im a complete bookworm, a geek, whatever, and Im good with that too
5. I have 4, yes 4, count em!!, beautiful girls
6. My husband is 20 years older than me, and lemme tell you, theres something to be said for older men!
7. My middle daughter was attacked by a dog two years ago, it tore off half her face, and it was the worst time of our lives (she is doing great now, though!)
8. The second worst day of my life was when my dad passed away last year (can it really be real??)
9. Im the only person in my immediate family with green eyes
10. Only one of my children has green eyes, the rest are blue, as is the rest of my immediate family
11. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my adult life (hardest job ever)
12. I was an office manger for two and a half years, I really miss working
13. I come across as very confident and outgoing, but underneath, Im scared
14. I secretly am addicted to Teen Mom 2, shhhh!!
15. My faith in God is very strong, and I will try my best to never judge those around me
16. Just because I say I am a Christian doesnt mean Im looking down on you, so please dont look down on me
17. I am a complete country girl, but have the ocean in my blood
18. Ive made a lot of mistakes, ask me how the smallest decisions can have the biggest consequences
19. My family is my everything, and I give my all for them, immediate and extended, friends that are as close as family, too
20. I try to wake up each and every day with a positive, grateful attitude, look at the glass as half full, because it can always be worse, right?
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