A couple days ago, a friend and I got into a deep discussion about body image, and how deeply we are affected by certain things, like having children, surgeries, etc, that affect how our bodies look. This conversation, though maybe it was more of me lecturing and her listening than an actual conversation, really got to me, has been on my mind constantly. And in the ensuing days since, I have dealt with 3 or 4 women who are facing issues with their bodies for the reasons previously mentioned. So what can I say about this that hasnt already been said? Probably not much, if anything, but Im going to give my thoughts anyway.
What dominates the media, most magazines, the streets we walk on daily, and our own minds, mens minds included? Our looks. Yes, it is self serving, or self demeaning, depending on how you see yourself, or just plain self involved, but it is what it is, right? I think about how I look, whether I want to or not. We all do, its what we have evolved into, its just what we do. I have to look in the mirror when I brush my teeth. I look in the mirror when I brush my hair. Men look in the mirror when they shave. Children look to see themselves and make silly faces at themselves. The point is, whether we like it or not, whether we like ourselves, our bodies, whatever, or not, we still think about it often.
Lately, the media has finally taken to saying that thin does NOT equal beautiful....duh! How long did we have to wait for that to come racing back around? Since...oh....Marilyn Monroe? I think its been just about that long. Which sucks! For all these years, women who didnt fit what so called professionals called the ideal body type, weight, height, and color suffered, and the few who stepped 9out against these ideas were criticized, critiqued to within an inch of their lives. Im a lush, full figured, sexy as hell woman, but I dont criticize skinny women for being skinny, so why are we criticized for being big, full, sexy?
Everyone who has ever had a child knows that your body changes, rich, famous, poor, fat, ugly, whatever, whoever you are, having kids wrecks our body! I have stretch marks up and down my stomach, and for years, they drove me crazy. Until learned the beauty in them. Each stretch mark, though I cant remember when they all happened, happened for a reason. I can even tell you the reason(s)! Their names are S, S, H, and B. Yup, thats it. That was my secret to accepting every one of those dark purple, nasty, deep things that I earned through all of the 36 months total that I was pregnant with each precious gem that God gave me.
Enough with the rambling,which, coincidentally, Im becoming okay with, too, because its part of me....Anyway, I want to tell eahc and every one of these people that are dear to me to STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF!!!! When I look at you, do you think I see your flaws? Do I sit with you and worry that while we're talking, you might notice my uneven boobs? No! When I think of you, I think of your smile when you look so tenderly at your husband and children. When we talk, I notice that your laughter lights up your face, and your eyes sparkle. When you are perfectly calm, I notice an inner beauty, a light shining through, that tells me that you have weathered many battles to find an inner calm, a fortitude, that has carried you through. I see YOU, in all your beautiful imperfections, I see YOU, the most amazing woman I know, I see YOU, a woman who knows her worth, but is scared to believe in herself and know that she is perfect as she is. Who can tell you how to feel about you? Why would you let them? And if we're such great friends, well, youre mine, but if Im yours, why cant you see what I see when I look at you? Why does a strangers opinion, or even your own, when it is so obviously skewed that you cant see just how perfectly perfect you are, matter more than the opinion of someone who sees you regularly, is your cheerleader, is your best friend, is the one who has always and will always believe in you? Im not saying I dont understand. Im saying dont focus on the things you consider bad, focus on the words you know to be true and sincere, the words and thoughts from the heart of someone who has battled her own demons for many years, and is finally finding success!
Love always,
Your biggest fan, your best friend, ME
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